Vitreous humor

Confession
"I believe that at my age, I am well past the time for facing a certain fact. And the world might as well know about it. I don't want to avoid the truth; I don't want to live a lie. I am now willing to tell everyone about a preference that springs from the very core of my being, without embarrassment or apology: I don't like Wonder Bread." -- William Rossiter, 2012

A Brief History of Bowling
Q. Why does the bowling ball have only three holes--one for the thumb and two for the fingers, when the human hand has one thumb and four fingers?

A. Pro‑Magnon man (Note 1), the inventor of bowling, had only one thumb and two fingers, and the evolution of bowling balls has not kept pace with the evolution of the human hand. Original bowling balls consisted of dinosaur dung hardened in prehistoric kilns. Carbon dating of these imperfectly formed objects revealed that they came from the Jurassic period.

Bowlers of all historic periods have distinguished themselves by an impatience to "get 'em rollin". Pro‑Magnon man was no exception. He often bowled with balls that never made it to the kiln. In time, of course, these hardened even without the kiln, and recent researchers (Note 2) have been able to detect imprinted on the sides of several of them the horrified countenance of many a prehistoric bowler.

The earliest pins were living Cryptoids, and they moved in unison to the tune of 'Melancholy Baby'. As the next bowler took his aim, the other bowlers hummed this tune in various styles and rhythms, to which the Cryptoids would respond somewhat predictably. This gave the spectators far greater control than they have today over the outcome of any given frame.

King Tut bowled. In fact, studies of his bowling life led to the best modern theory of how the young man died: radiation poisoning. Core samples from his favorite bowling balls reveal them to have had plutonium centers.

Bowling terminology has permeated virtually all areas of our lives. 'Head pin', 'pinhead', 'head waiter', 'head cheese', 'souse', and 'hip boots' were all at one time bowling terms that have more recently come into everyday use.

Gene Manipulation
Q. What is gene manipulation?

A. Gene manipulation began in the middle of the 19th century when Dr. Levi Strauss transformed tents into trousers. His ambition was to graft canvas onto the epidermis of young men and women by rivets. He succeeded for the most part, although many of his patients reported that the process of applying genes was painful.

Gene manipulation is essentially a diversion of the patient's attention away from the penetration of the steel fasteners. In his early attempts, Dr. Strauss applied genes and then submerged the wearer in a barrel of water. The genes contracted and generated on the legs a pressure of about 400,000 PSI. This enabled the patient easily to ignore the pounding of the little objects into the limbs.

Modern gene manipulation is less painful. It typically gets the patient involved in viewing a Jackie Chan movie. During any of the many fight sequences, a genetic engineer adjusts the genes by applying the rivets with a pneumatic hammer.

Although genetic engineers are highly trained professionals who have been certified in their specialty, they still cannot guarantee that all of their subjects who have undergone the procedure will be able to walk. Moreover, some of the people who have had genetic manipulation report a ringing in their ears. For those unfortunate few, technicians will insert wads of cotton into the ear canals so that the neighbors will not be disturbed.

Food Technology
Q. What is corned beef?

A. It is beef that has been processed in a special way. In particular, it is the piece of a cow that has been exposed to a panel of comedians who tell it jokes all day.

References
(1) Pro-Magnon women didn't bowl until the invention of Lycra and Spandex in the Middle Devonian.
(2) Osmosis and Trombone, Journal of Bowling Science, XXXIX, 43.